I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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