Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
