he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
