dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
