Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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