Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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