I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
