It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
