Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize
