Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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