I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
