I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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