what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
