Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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