You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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