maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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