I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
