She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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