dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
