I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
