Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
