so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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