She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
