just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
