Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
