Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
