Porn is love you can see.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
