when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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