Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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