so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
