Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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