So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
