I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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