Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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