Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
