i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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