go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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