Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
