I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Green mimosas i think yes
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
