Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
