kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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