dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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