He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
