the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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