You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
