I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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