So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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