She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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