I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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