he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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