i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
