She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
