Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
