Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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