dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
