Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
