just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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