i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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