Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
